I have had the hardest time in my "walk" lately. Not really my faith, because I know where I stand, but walking is a whole lot different than standing.
I had a bad car accident, and in the real sense of the word, was bashed over the head with a lesson. There is a plan for me, and if I stop fighting it and have a bit more faith, it won't be such a struggle. But I have found out a lot about myself lately. I didn't know I was such a control freak. That came as quite a shock. I didn't know that I was fighting and being bull headed when God was being gentle and trying to tell me softly to listen to him. I was too busy thinking I was right with my fingers in the ears singing " LALALA I can't hear you!"
PRAYER!!!
It is key to my story.
I haven't prayed in a long time, other than maybe the "help me help me, Thank you thank you" kind.
I was asked by my husband if I would start a prayer meeting at church while his band practiced. While he was holding my crying self after getting home from the hospital, he said that he knows why we were blessed to not get seriously hurt (And we very easily could have been SERIOUSLY hurt). He said that we were blessed because we have a purpose. Because there is a plan for us as a couple, and as a family. He knows that I have some issues with the band, and the current church situation, but when he was talking about a plan, it all clicked into place. It became very clear that I was not being very facilitating to a plan other than my own. Which is never the best idea.
I spent last night seeking in the Bible. Which that in itself is odd for me. I don't really read my Bible much, and I know I should, but there is a lot I need to work on. Obviously! But I did dive right in last night. I read every verse about prayer that was listen in the concordance in the back of my husbands bible. And I was knocked over by some of them. Some I knew were in there, and some were new to me. I was eating it up!! I almost felt sad when I was at the bottom of the list. This was a completely new feeling for me. Being sad that the verse list was finished isn't something I have ever felt before. Which told me I was on the right track.
I don't usually feel all "Preach-y" but I kinda do this morning.
The ones that really got to me were...
Mark 11: 24-25
" Therefore, I say to you, all things for which you pray and ask, believe that you will recieve them and they will be granted to you.
Whenever you stand praying, forgive, if you have anything against anyone, so that your Father who is in heaven will also forgive you your transgressions."
(this one had a lot of impact because of some unsavory feelings I have been fostering for my In-Laws)
Mathew 21:22
"And all things you ask in prayer, believing, you will receive."
This is right after Jesus was talking about faith being able to cast the mountain into the sea.
Psalm 55:1-5
"Give ear to my prayer, O God; and do not hide yourself from my supplication.
Give heed to me and answer me; I am restless in my complaint and am surely distracted,
Because of the voice of the enemy, because of the pressure of the wicked; for they bring down trouble upon me and in anger they bear a grudge against me
My heart is in anguish within me and the terrors of death have fallen upon me,
Fear and trembling have overwhelmed me."
( This one seems a bit dramatic but it made me realize that some of my feelings toward others is the work of evil. That doesn't mean that there wasn't actions from others to bring me to these thoughts of anger, but holding onto them... That is a work of evil. Holding this grudge, being angry with people doesn't affect the people you are angry with. It only hurts yourself. I found in this verse that I don't have to trust them, but I do have to forgive them in order to get out from under this anger, and pressure of the enemy.)
And the last one I looked up was probably my favorite of them all.
Philippians 4: 4-8
"Rejoice in the Lord always, again I say REJOICE!
Let your gentle spirit be known to all men. The Lord is near.
Be anxious for nothing, bu in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God.
And the peace of God, with surpasses all comprehension, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.
Finally, brethren, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is lovely, whatever is of good repute, if there is any excellence and if anything is worthy of praise, dwell on these things!"
(that one I don't think I need to explain why it had an impact on me! I think it speaks for itself.)
I know this might come as a shock to those who know me, that I would actually type all this out. Let alone before sunrise, with my husbands beat up old Bible in front of me. Sitting here in my bathrobe with coffee close at hand.... but I feel like a well has been opened inside of me. (Picture the old Beverly Hillbillies. Jed has just struck oil!) I can't tell you the amount of excitement that comes along with that bubbling spiritual crude.
Since the accident (which was only on Saturday) miracles have been happening. Not just blessings, but MIRACLES!!! There was a collection taken from my family, which is paying for a down payment on a new car. The car itself is a miracle for our family because they are knocking a third of the price off for us. We have FANTASTIC insurance, so the price of hospital and ambulance isn't as much as it could have been. And finally, I can completely believe there are angels masquerading as regular people on this earth. We still haven't found out who the man who stopped and helped us was, but we are still looking. This man was AWESOME! He gave us blankets, talking to Dwane when he was falling apart, Played with May for a few minutes so Dwane could talk to me alone, held a blanket over me so the snow wasn't falling in my face, told me that everything and everybody was fine when I was losing my battle with staying calm, and also paid for our car to be towed home. I don't know how to ever say "Thank You" enough to this man.
I feel SO blessed right now.
God has been SO good my family!
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